


Finding Warmth

by AggressivelyBisexual



Series: Trans Daryl Dixon [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Christmas, Everyone Is Alive, Family, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, even if they weren't name dropped everyone is there, it's the holidays and everyone is happy and alive, mostly comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 18:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13106193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AggressivelyBisexual/pseuds/AggressivelyBisexual
Summary: When Daryl discovered that Paul was going to join their Christmas dinner, tagging along with Sasha and not asking Daryl himself, he realized that maybe Paul didn’t view their tentatively budding relationship as he did. Maybe Paul wasn’t interested in coming as Daryl’s date.





	Finding Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place at a later point in time after [this oneshot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12305445/chapters/28018260) in the Infinite Realities, Infinite Desus challenge.

Daryl was still not entirely sure what he and Paul were to each other. He knew that he had already grown to care for Paul much more than he would have liked to, much faster than he could have anticipated – if he could have ever anticipated someone like Paul in his life at all.

Leading up to the holidays, they hadn’t been dating long. Daryl had been hesitant to even call the first one a date, until afterwards Paul had asked Daryl if he'd be interested in going out again soon. They parted after exchanging numbers, and for an entire twenty-four hours Daryl agonized over what to say to him. Thankfully, Paul called him first. Though Daryl spent most of their early conversations scared of saying too little or saying the wrong thing, Paul gently eased his way past Daryl's anxieties over time, almost without him even noticing.

Up until the day before their group’s big Christmas dinner that Rick invited—or enforced—him to attend, Daryl had been unaware of exactly how many of the extended family would be there. It took Paul calling him to ask what he should bring to Rick's house that clued him in.

As he stood in front of the Grimes' house, watching people move around behind the wreaths in the windows and hearing laughter spill out from behind the front door, Daryl felt his palms begin to sweat despite the freezing winter night that surrounded him.

"Hey, Daryl!" Sasha's voice called out to him, and he turned to see her walking up the street hand in hand with Bob, followed by Tyreese and Paul behind them.

"Did you just get here, too?" Paul asked as he stepped up closely to Daryl, a quiet concern in his eyes behind the light tone of his question.

Daryl nodded, letting the others walk up the porch ahead of him and Paul. He paused for a minute to squeeze Paul's hand tightly in his before they all went inside.

They are immediately greeted by shouts of hello's and welcome's, pulled in different directions.

Maggie and Enid took Paul away with excited hugs and an I didn’t know you’d be here, Jesus. Without his buffer, Daryl ducked out of the way and into the kitchen.

Every inch of counterspace and tablespace was covered in a hodgepodge of dinner and desserts, each person having brought something different. Carol was pulling a baked ham out of the oven, while Rick and Michonne argued over who was better suited to carve the turkey. Carl bounced Judith in his arms while trying to steal bites of food behind their backs.

Judith was the first to notice Daryl, with a loud exclamation and suddenly reached so far out of her brother's hold that Carl almost dropped her. Daryl was quick to grab the toddler and brought her into a hug, keeping her against his chest instead of putting her down.

"Hi, there," Carol leaned over for a quick peck to his cheek.

Rick clasped him on the shoulder, "I'm glad you could make it."

"Didn't really give me much of a choice," Daryl said.

"Yeah, you look real miserable to be here," Michonne smiled pointedly at Judith resting her head against his own.

Daryl rolled his eyes with a small smile, and watched Carl as he snuck out of the kitchen with a handful of food, a silent finger to his lips in a wordless beg for Daryl not to say anything. Following his retreat, Paul suddenly popped in.

"Hey guys," Paul started to speak and quietly trailed off, eyes locked on Daryl and the little girl nestled in his arms, Daryl’s cheeks warming at his softening gaze.

"Hi, Jesus," Rick's eyes danced between the two of them, "Merry Christmas."

Paul seemed to mentally shake himself and a quick grin snapped back onto his face. "I brought beer, and Sasha brought wine," he said while lifting them in his hands.

After Michonne showed him where the coolers were, he grabbed a bottle of Daryl's favorite beer, quickly opening it and handing it to him without thought. Daryl didn't fail to notice the surreptitious grins shared between his friends, and Paul must have as well, as he smoothly jumped into a conversation with Carol on the food.

Daryl stayed leaning against the wall, content with sipping his beer, warmed by the weight of Judith and hearing Paul's voice interspersed with his family's.

What started as organized chaos quickly descended into a milling madhouse of everyone trying to make themselves a plate and then find a spot to settle down with it. Some of them squished around the table, while Daryl found himself sitting on the family room floor between Beth and Aaron. Paul sat across from him, leaning back against Maggie's legs as she sat on the couch next to Glenn. Loud conversations and laughter carried throughout the room, everyone talking at the same time. But it was obvious to Daryl how almost every person was coupled off. On either side of him, Beth and Noah leaned in to knock each other’s shoulders back and forth, while Aaron had his arm around Eric.

Daryl’s wandering eyes found Paul, who seemed to be distractedly listening to Rosita and Abraham’s argument while he watched Daryl. Paul’s smile gentled as Daryl felt his own lips quirk up in return. He ached to reach across and pull Paul next to him, wrap himself up in Paul’s arms uncaring of his family around him. Daryl was aware that most of them knew of his and Paul’s dates, all of them mother hens gossiping behind his back. But when Daryl discovered that Paul was going to join their Christmas dinner, tagging along with Sasha and not asking Daryl himself, he realized that maybe Paul didn’t view their tentatively budding relationship as he did. Maybe Paul wasn’t interested in coming as Daryl’s date.

Daryl knew that he shouldn’t have let his hopes climb so high. Paul had just moved to the city and didn’t know anyone outside of their group, yet. He was most likely just having fun until he actually settled in and found someone more interesting. Daryl had been reading too closely into their dates and long phone calls, feeling a quiet connection growing in them, an almost soft romance that was probably never there.

“—aryl?” Paul’s voice slowly filtered into his thoughts, and his eyes refocused to meet Paul’s again.

“Do you want another drink? I’m going to go get one for myself,” Paul asked, nodding his head at Daryl’s empty beer bottle.

“Oh,” Daryl cleared his hoarse throat, “Sure, thanks.”

Watching Paul leave the room, Daryl felt Beth poke his arm. Grinning, she said, “Jesus is cute.”

Daryl’s ears burned, “Yeah, I know,” he mumbled, looking away.

“Then, what’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothin’s wrong.”

She quietly reached out and held his hand, linked her fingers through his until Paul returned with a few extra drinks, giving them to the others first. When Paul handed over Daryl’s, he briefly paused to brush his fingers down Daryl’s in a soft caress that was over too soon.

The warmth that filled Daryl was gone just as quick, as Paul sat back down in his previous spot, too far away across the carpet from him.

Daryl finished his beer much faster than the first one. The heated glow of the room quickly grew more and more stifling, until he finally stood up, grabbing his plate under the pretense of going to the kitchen. Instead, he slipped away to the back door and stepped out onto the porch. The cold air bit into him as he pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one up.

Daryl only distantly felt surprised when the door opened behind him and Paul walked up close enough for their arms to brush. After a beat of silence, Paul’s hand reached up towards the cigarette hanging off his lips, and Daryl wordlessly let him take it. Paul pulled a long drag from it before he flicked the ash off over the railing of the porch and set it down.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked Daryl.

“Yeah,” Daryl nodded quietly.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Paul said.

Daryl was struck dumb for a second, “What?”

“I know you probably didn’t want me to touch you with everyone so close around us.”

“What do you mean?” Daryl asked, still feeling lost in what Paul was trying to say.

Paul shrugged, looking vaguely uncomfortable, “I mean, I just wasn’t sure if you’re out to them, or...” he trailed off.

Daryl stared at him confused, and then in surprise when Paul looked away to avoid eye contact. He felt as if their roles had somehow reversed and couldn’t figure out why.

“No, uh,” Daryl faltered, “I’m out, I guess. Or, they all know I was seeing you. Tell one person and you’re telling most everyone.”

“Was?” Paul asked.

Daryl’s brows furrowed, looking at him questioningly.

“You said, ‘was’ seeing me,” Paul said quietly.

Daryl stayed silent while trying to gather his thoughts, unsure of where this conversation had suddenly gone.

“Do you,” Paul started and then stopped, “Are we not together anymore?”

“Together? But,” Daryl stuttered, “You—I thought, I mean—”

Daryl cut himself off, took a deep breath, and then continued, “I didn’t think you’d want to come as my date tonight.”

Paul’s eyes, beautiful seaglass frozen wide, stared at him in shock. “Why?” he asked.

“You,” Daryl gruffed, “You said you were going to come with Sasha, outta nowhere. I thought you must’ve not wanted to come with _me_.”

Paul reached out and circled his fingers around Daryl’s wrists, “I thought you didn’t want to invite me.”

Daryl huffed, a silent wordless chuckle, “Well, shit.”

“Fuck,” Paul laughed quietly, “Look at us.”

His hands drifted up to Daryl’s shoulders, and Paul wrapped his arms around the back of his neck to bring Daryl into his embrace.

One of Daryl’s hands went to the small of his back, while the other one brushed through his hair, calloused fingers gently pulled strands away from Paul’s face. He pressed a small kiss to Paul, whiskered jaw, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too” Paul murmured.

They held each other close for a moment, before Paul pushed up on his tiptoes to gently kiss him. He pulled Paul’s body tightly in against his own, taking the strain off of Paul’s perched feet.

Daryl softly deepened the kiss as his hand moved back up into Paul’s hair, in love with the way it fell through his fingers. Paul’s own hands brushed from the back of Daryl’s head around to cradle underneath his jaw, thumbs stroking up the apples of his cheeks.

Eventually, Daryl pulled away from Paul’s lips to press his forehead against the other man’s. They shared breath for a quiet moment, until Paul suddenly shivered, freezing wind whipping up with the smell of coming snow.

As Daryl made to step away towards the door, Paul stopped him, “Wait, I have a gift I wanted to give you.”

“But,” Daryl briefly panicked, “I didn’t get you—”

Paul interrupted him with a hard kiss pressed to his lips, the bruising passion making Daryl gasp into it. Paul’s tongue met his and caressed the inside of his mouth until he felt out of breath.

“I love you,” Paul whispered against his lips.

The air punched out of Daryl before his lungs had a chance to catch up.

Paul continued, not moving away from him for a second, “It’s okay, I don’t mind waiting for a gift in return.”

He almost wanted to laugh, suddenly trembling with a fragile joy that took him off guard. Paul pulled away, a wide smile splitting his lips, and grabbed Daryl’s hand to take them inside.

The house they walked into was decidedly different from the house they had walked out of a while ago. All of the lights had been dimmed, save for the ones twinkling on the Christmas tree and around the windows. Everyone lounged on the couches and floor space around the tree, with desserts, mulled cider, and coffee among them. Conversations hushed and laughter softened as Judith slept between Carl and Enid drooping against each other.

Paul nudged Daryl down to sit in a free space on the carpet and wordlessly crawled into his lap, sitting sideways and resting back against his chest. Daryl wrapped his arms tightly around Paul, even as his face burned hot, softly returning some of his family’s smiles.

Daryl pressed his lips into the crown of his boyfriend’s head and drifted, lulled by the warmth surrounding them.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry there isn't much dialogue, Daryl wasn't feeling super talkative in this. 
> 
> ♡ Holiday Bingo Prompt: Family Dinner ♡
> 
> [tumblr](http://captainameriqueer.tumblr.com)


End file.
